Each person is made up of Liquid and Solid energy. Our Liquid energy is ever changing and creative. Our Solid energy is formula-driven and predictable. Regardless of gender, we dynamically drift in and out of our Liquid and Solid states; READ MORE most of the time, we are in some state of combined Liquid/Solid energy. Balancing our energy is essential if we want to create conscious and present relationships, communities, and societies. A male, considered to have balanced energy, typically manifests more Solid energy than Liquid; we call him a “Full Man”. A female, considered to have balanced energy, typically manifests more Liquid energy than Solid; we call her a “Full Woman”.
Below are some examples of polarized Liquid and Solid energies.
Acknowledging that intimate relationships can be made up of any gender combination such as m/f, m/m, f/f, m/m/f, etc., and only for ease of writing and content clarity, the following paragraphs use the example of an intimate relationship between a male and a female. The example can easily be applied to any gendered persons who are bringing their polarized energy into a relationship.
When two or more people create an intimate relationship, the difference in their dominant energy creates polarization that fuels sexual attraction (aka chemistry). The greater the polarization, the more intense the sexual attraction.
When our energy is heavily skewed towards Liquid or Solid, it becomes unbalanced. It’s almost impossible to create or maintain intimate, functional and healthy relationships. A man, whose Solid energy is unbalanced by his Liquid energy, is just a shell of what he could be; we call him a “Shell Man”. A woman whose Liquid energy is unbalanced by her Solid energy is just a shell of what she could be; we call her a “Shell Woman”. A Full Man desires a Full Woman and is not attracted to a Shell Woman. A Full Woman longs for a Full Man and is not attracted to a Shell Man. At our core, we long to be a full version of ourselves.
Most of us are born with pure, unspoiled and balanced energy. Early childhood impressions and events often distort, squelch, and corrupt our energy; we get wounded. To protect ourselves, we sometimes skew our energy towards a state of unbalanced Liquid or Solid; this creates a destructive cycle that is perpetuated through our relationships.
When a Shell Man and a Shell Woman start an intimate relationship, their extreme polarization usually creates a highly charged sexual attraction. This attraction sparks peak erotic experiences; the peaks are usually countered by highly charged dramatic, and sometimes violently dramatic, episodes. Intense ambivalence and “amazing sex” are common experiences in a “Shell Couple” relationship. Although the partners may feed on these experiences, and become addicted to the sensations they provide, the experiences are usually destructive and only serve to deepen their woundings. Moments of extreme pleasure and terror they create, temporarily masks their emptiness and core longing to be a Full Man or a Full Woman.
The Shell Couple is likely to perpetuate their woundings and energy imbalance through their children.
The emotional and/or physical absence of a Full-Man father, is one of the deepest, pervasive and perpetual child woundings. In the early years of a child’s life, the absence of a Full Man, or any man that personifies that role, creates a massive void for that child. Some Shell Men abandon their families; family life sometimes becomes unbearable for him when intertwined with a Shell Woman. The man’s unbalanced and distorted Solid energy renders him emotionally weak; he is unable to live the role of a strong and present father. The child has no example of how a Full Man conducts himself and shows up for a Full Woman. The void intensifies when the child has no example of how a Full Woman shows up and conducts herself for a Full Man. The woundings deepen.
When a Shell Man stays with his family, he usually exhibits destructive behaviors such as violence, hatred, lack of purpose, instability, collapse, dishonesty, emotionally unavailability, etc. So not to be crushed under the destructive weight of the Shell Man’s energy, the Shell Woman defensively skews her energy to the opposite extreme; she becomes a woman with highly dominant Solid energy and recessive-Liquid energy. She transforms into a Shell-Man-inside-a-woman’s-body; her actions and words typically become controlling, nagging, castrating, hateful, etc. Once her transformation is complete, she no longer needs her partner to play the role of a Shell Man, and has no sexual attraction to him. Much of her sexual passion may be diverted into overt or hidden rage towards men in general; she becomes misandristic and is loathed to see herself in other men.
If a Shell Man leaves his family, he both travels a path to greater self-discovery and starts to get in touch with his Liquid side, or retreats deeper into his destructive Shell-Man pattern. If he continues his pattern, and is not already misogynistic, he’ll become that way; he justifies his escape from the responsibility of being a Full Man.
Whether the Shell Couple stays together or not, their girl usually turns into a young woman who finds herself inexplicably attracted to “bad boys” [reads Shell Man], or some other less destructive version of a Shell Man. These Shell-Women-in-training are mostly unable to identify a Full Man and are usually stricken with unworthiness or disinterest whenever they encounter one. Unless she encounters a Full Man or a Full Woman who mentors her on a path to fullness, it is likely that she will seek out and continue her parent’s destructive relationship cycle.
When the Shell Couple stays together, their boy receives passive or active Shell-Man-training from his father. As the years progress, the boy starts to emulate his father’s destructive behaviors and also experiences the pain and dysfunction of his mother’s misandry. His parent’s dysfunctions propel him towards weak-girls and weak-young-women who feed him with that familiar dysfunction; they enable his quest to create more. Using his already unbalanced and highly recessive Liquid energy, the boy cleverly creates new destructive behaviors. He starts to identify with other boys and men who exemplify Shell Man traits; he takes refuge it the relative comfort of their familiar woundings. As a young man, he quickly learns that by adopting his father’s misogynistic tendencies, he attracts young women who are incomplete [reads Shell-Woman-in-training]. These young women fall easy prey to the clever tactics he employs to satisfy his insatiable hunger for sexual release and control (abuse, rape, violation of boundaries, narcissism, etc.).
If the Shell Man leaves his boy, and the boy is without the influence of a Full Man, the boy receives his training from his Shell-Woman-mother or other Shell Men. Without the influence of a Full Man, the boy is likely to follow a similar path to the one he follows when the Shell Couple stay together.
The Question Is: “…how do we transform this destructive cycle into a healing cycle? “
If we have already started on our path-to-fullness, we are already influencing those who are on the same path, or at least seeking that path. Those who are unaware of the path-to-fullness, or are aware of it but not yet seeking it, can only see the path if we illuminate it.
By just being men and women who are already on the path, we light the path; by being, or even just setting an intention to be, Full Men and Full Women, we promote and support others in their journey. We help them step out of their shell-selves and into their Full-Man-selves and Full-Women-selves. When we commit to walking the path-to-fullness, we create environments where children, men and women, are conscious, loving and present. We can accomplish all of this without effort… all we have to do is allow our light to shine. That’s it. It’s so simple it sometimes feels impossible and complicated. That’s all we have to do… just be our full selves. Those who are wounded and ready to walk the path-to-fullness, will be attracted to our light; they will see the path and know where to walk. Ours is not to create the path, it’s simply to be our Full Man and Full Woman selves and light the path that has always been there waiting for our light to shine.